Hate

It is said that when you hate someone you are giving them space in your head rent free and that hating someone does no good.

So, what do you do when you have been hurt to the point where you feel hate?

Hate can only come from a place that used to hold love.

There’s always apathy.  But, does that work with someone who you used to love?

I’m not talking romantic love.  I am talking about family love.  The love between siblings.

In reality, I was raised pretty much as an only child.  Both my brothers moved out when I was 7.  I have vague memories of them to that point.  Afterwards, I would see one only when he wanted to rub something in my parents face, to see if he can get a reaction from them.

The other brother, well, he came back into our lives more often and stayed longer.  I was more attached to him than to my other brother.  He was more easy going, he stuck up for me more, and he and I had a lot more in common.

Here I am though, losing both brothers from greed.  And it was completely unnecessary as well.  One of my brothers likes to hold his IQ over everyone’s head and show how smart he is compared to everyone else.  It’s sad really.  My other brother was more intelligent and creative in so many more ways.  He was funny as well.  Sarcasm was his gift.

My brothers were from my mom’s first marriage.  They went to live with their dad when they moved out when I was 7.  I see a lot of their biological dad in them than my mom.  Trust me, my mom was far from perfect, but this side of them didn’t come from her.  And definitely did not come from my dad who adopted them.

So, in the times in my life when I would have needed my brothers, they were not there for me.  Yes, I was 10 years younger than one, and 12 years younger than the other, but still…I was in every way, an only child.  And when I REALLY needed my brothers (when each of parents died) neither one of then were there.

Hell, when one came to visit in August of 2006 to see dad, he told me “how can your husband want to have sex with you being so fat?’ I was almost 9 months pregnant with my daughter.  So, I guess the feeling of hate started sooner for that brother.

As I have gotten older, the need or desire to hate someone has lessen.  I learned that hating someone does nothing for me, but everything for that other person.

But I know one thing that does work no matter what and that is karma.  I don’t mean the kind that punishes you in your next life, but the kind that gets you in this life.  It won’t be the same thing being done to you that you did to someone else, no…it’s going to be the same kind of hurt and pain you caused someone else that will come back to you in the manner that will hurt the most.

In the words of a comic strip from years ago….

“I don’t hate it.  I just dislike it with the white-hot burning of a 1000 suns”

 

 

 

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