I smiled when I felt his feet reach for mine before he fell asleep. My mind was still going a million miles an hour and showed no signs of shutting off. I focused on his breathing, enjoying the soft sounds. We both laughed when we admitted that each other’s snoring wasn’t annoying nor did it inhibit our sleep.
“Thank you, Universe for giving him to me.” I softly said aloud.
Even though our relationship didn’t begin as conventional as we both probably had wanted, we were still happy.
I found it funny that our paths didn’t quite cross a lot in our pasts, but they came unusually close. Our backgrounds were similar, our school life was a lot alike as well. I replayed our conversations through that day, sharing stories of our childhood, previous marriages, and random memories that popped up as we talked. I wondered if we would have met years ago, would we still have been drawn to each other? Or was it all that had happened to us was what made us open to this, to us?
His hand reached over and found mine, even in his sleep. I resisted the urge to wake him up, to kiss him yet again. I never tired of kissing him. The way his lips fit mine, the way he knew how to kiss me—rough or tender—and when to do it.
No one from my past compared to him, not even C. I regretted a lot of my past though. I wished that I kept myself pure for him. I feel stained at times. Not quite like the Whore of Babylon, but pretty damn close. He doesn’t make me feel that way; it’s only the perfectionist in me that berates myself and my choices. He reminds me that I shouldn’t regret my past because everything that I have done, led me to him that morning in Louisville.
I always kept parts of myself back: the negative side, the asshole, the little girl that believed in fairy tales. He wants it all. All of me. It’s both terrifying and freeing all at once. He gets that I need to know everything, to have all the steps laid out beforehand. That I hate surprises.
It’s not only his lips that fit but his soul as well.
I turned over on my left side and covered my eyes with my hand, and it was only then that sleep came to me.
Useless Ramblings 
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