“By the time you’re 35, I must confide
You will have, blown them up
Right on queue, just act surprised, when they invite you to take you, curtain call
You climbed china’s wall;
You, curtain call
I’ve done what I’ve done, and it has the ultimate consequence
Then a voice calls me back
This is not business, no it’s more like, spiritual
It’s not what it is
Then you ram your hand in your bag for a little protection”
–Tori Amos, Curtain Call
Let me set the scene…
I have heard this song numerous times before, but it struck a cord (see what I did there?) while driving from Florida to Indiana in June of 2009 when we were officially moving. My daughter was asleep in the back in her car seat, and I was listening to my iPod. It was those lyrics above that made me ask the most important question a writer asks “What if?” (I can’t take credit, it was in a meme)
The line ‘I’ve done what I’ve done and it has the ultimate consequence” made me think…what is that ‘ultimate consequence’? Death is the ultimate consequence. So, my mind wandered for the next 300 miles of open road.
At first, there was only one book. A massive epic journey, but then as I listened to songs and allowed the complete story to unfold in my imagination, I knew that one book was not going to cut it, and to be honest, I don’t think most would enjoy another “War and Peace’ tome. I wanted something that kept people wanting more, to say to their friends ‘I can relate to this woman; I can relate to her struggles’.
This song is the death scene of my main character. This where her story begins, at her death.
My main character is basically me. But me in a “What if?” scenario. Kind of a dark daydream. Think of it as playing dress up for a play. Find me an author that doesn’t put a part of themselves in the books that they write…I dare you.
But I didn’t want something so far fetched that no one could ever imagine it being real, I wanted real life but with a splash of the supernatural. I wanted someone to be walking around their town and thinking ‘could that be a ___________?’ —fill in a supernatural being from fiction.
I have love, hate, revenge, passion, mourning, motherhood, marriage, death, life, the mundane, sex, murder, and crime all in my series. And this is where one of my dilemmas stems from…what is the genre? Paranormal? Horror? Romance? Thriller? Until you start looking for agents, you have no idea how difficult it is to pick a genre.
But the real inspiration of this series was to come to terms with my past, my regrets, my lost chances, and the individuals that have made me who I have become in my real life. It started as way to work through my grief–losing my parents, moving away from my hometown, losing a best friend, losing myself. Cheap therapy, if I am being completely honest.
Useless Ramblings 
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